With Apologies to AT&T

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang…

ME:  Hello.

AT&T:  Hello, this is AT&T...

ME:  Is this AT&T?

AT&T:  Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:  This is AT&T?

AT&T:  Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:  Is this AT&T?

AT&T:  Yes, this is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

ME:  May I ask who is calling?

AT&T:  This is AT&T.

ME:  OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone.  I ate my salad.  Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting…

Me:  Hello?

AT&T:  Is this Mr. Byron?

ME:  May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T:  Yes, this is AT&T...

ME:  This is AT&T?

AT&T:  Yes, this is AT&T

ME:  The phone company?

AT&T:  Yes, sir.

Me:  I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T:  Yes sir, we are a phone company.

ME:  I already have a phone.

AT&T:  We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.  We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Me:  Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?

AT&T:  (getting a little excited at this point by my interest)  Yes, sir, that's right!  24 hours a day!

ME:  7 days a week?

AT&T:  that's right.

ME:  365 days a year?

AT&T:  yes, sir.

ME:  I am definitely interested in that!  Wow!!  That's amazing!

AT&T:  We think so!!

Me:  That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T:  Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me:  OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly, or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T:  Excuse me?

ME:  You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T:  What are you talking about?

ME:  You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week, and $52,560 per year.  I'm just interested in how you will be making payment.

AT&T:  Oh, no sir, I didn't mean that we would be paying you.  You pay us 10 cents a minute.

ME:  Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute?  Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme??  I've read about things like this in the Inquirer, you know.

AT&T:  No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...

ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN.  Can I speak to your supervisor?

AT&T:  Sir, I don't think that will be necessary.

ME:  I insist on speaking to a supervisor.

AT&T:  Yes, Mr. Byron.  Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner…

Supervisor:  Mr. Byron?

Me:  Yeth?

Supervisor:  I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me:  Is this AT&T?

Supervisor:  Yes sir, it sure is.

ME:  (I had to swallow before I choked on my food.  It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.)  No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back with me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor:  OK, no problem.  I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

ME:  Thank you.

I was on hold once again, and managed a few more mouthfuls.  I need to end this conversation.  Suddenly, there was an irritated but polite voice at the other end of the line…

AT&T:  Hello Mr. Byron.  I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.

ME:  No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thingy because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.....

AT&T:  click......