Bud Abbot and Lou Costello in the 21st Century
ABBOTT:
Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an
office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I
want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in
here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with
windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I
see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I
need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need
something I can use to write proposals, track expenses, and run my business.
What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can
you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend
for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend office with
windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office
and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want
to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is
office.
ABBOTT: The word in office for
windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for
windows?
ABBOTT: The word you get when you
click the blue w
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your
blue “w” if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget
that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want real one.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a
cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real one.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also
want to see reel 2,3&4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOTT: Real one.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and
I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the
blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue 1 is Realone and the
blue w is word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The word in office for
windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in
office for windows!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the
most popular word in the world
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there
aren't many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other
words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real one has nothing to do
with word. Real one isn't even part of office.
COSTELLO: stop! Don't start that
again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money
with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you
have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my
money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your
computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my
computer?
ABBOTT: Money
COSTELLO: Money comes with my
computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money
with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy
money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license
to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license
to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not, they own it.
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on “START”..........