FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE
(OR SEVERE DISTORTIONS THEREOF)
o Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
o A backward poet writes inverse.
o A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
o Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
o Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
o Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
o A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
o A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
o Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
o Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
o Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
o Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
o When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
o A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
o What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
o Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
o In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
o She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
o A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
o If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
o With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
o When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
o The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
o You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
o Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
o He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
o Every calendar's days are numbered.
o A lot of money is tainted -- It taint yours and it taint mine.
o A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
o He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
o A plateau is a high form of flattery.
o A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
o Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
o Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
o Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
o Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
o Acupuncture is a jab well done.
o Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.