WINTER

  60 F:   Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.  People in New England sunbathe.

  50 F:   New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.  People in New England plant gardens.

  40 F:   Italian and English cars won't start.  People in New England drive with their windows down.

  30 F:   Distilled water freezes.  Maine's Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.

  20 F:   Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.  People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

  15 F:   New York landlords finally turn on the heat.  People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.

    0 F:   All the people in Miami die...  New Englanders close their windows.

 -10 F:   Californians fly away to Mexico.  The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.

 -25 F:   Hollywood disintegrates.  People in New England get out their winter coats.

 -40 F:   Washington D.C. runs out of hot air.  People in New England let their dogs sleep indoors.

-100 F:  Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.  New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."

-460 F:  All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).  People in New England start saying...  "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

-500 F:  Hell freezes over.  The Red Sox win the World Series.  GO SOX!